The Generic News Archives

Get free layouts for your MySpace page at

Heartsandbrightshadows.com

Lead Stories:

American Democratic presidential candidates continue to win delegates. The Republican candidate does not. (A Day in June, 2008)

A famous intellectual affirms there is no intelligent life in our corner of the Universe. Thousands of university professors admit to being depressed. (Another Day in May, 2008)

As American presidential elections get closer, polls results continue to change. (A Day in May, 2008)

Political News:

The US president made a very presidential speech. He said exactly what was expected. Famous commentators reported: "There are no surprises here." (A Day in June, 2008)

In the American presidential race a candidate declared the race was not over. (Another Day in May, 2008)

A major News Source reported who the US presidential candidate was who recieved the most press. (A Day in May 2008)

While one candidate attracted the most coverage of any presidential hopeful last week, another's biographical tour helped him climb back into the headlines. But it was the third one who generated the clearest story line in the media last week. --Journalism.org  (A Day in May 2008)

Weather:

Texas had a weather event. So did Oklahoma but of a different type.(A Day in May 208)

         Book Reviews:

Cynthia Joyce Clay's environmental sf novel is a must read, 

generically speaking.     

Arts and Entertainment:  

No nudes is bad news for art students. (A Day in June, 2008)

Artists try to “heal the world” by recycling their own urine. This causes controversy. (A Day in June, 2008)

There were shark attacks at the beach. Swimmers had fun. (Another Day in May, 2008)

A famous female music star did something she should not. In Hollywood, so did another famous star, but she said "It felt so right."(A Day in May, 2008)

Science News:

Weather experts confirm that long range hurricane predictions succeed in getting the public to think about the weather. (A Day in June, 2008)

A woman admits that her brain works in such a way that she remembers her life.  Other people admit their brains also allow them to remember their lives.  Scientists are amazed. (Another Day in May, 2008)

At two leading US universities, scientists made scientific investigations while scientists and social scientists at two other highly respected US universities did lab studies. All four universities got grants.(A Day in May 2008)

The Generic News Statement:

The well-known Media Corporations spend millions of dollars and hire thousands of people to edit timely and important news stories until they say nothing that matters or even make much sense. The well-known Media Corporations also substitute, whenever posssible, inane and vacuous news reports for news reports of substance. We at The Generic News realize that it does not take millions of dollars and thousands of people to say nothing; we know it can be done by two people as a hobby. Indeed, our news reports are so well sanitized that they can be counted on to be true at any given time. Further, we aim to a higher ideal of journalistic excellence than do the the well-known Media Corporations--The Generic News reports on the news grammatically. The Generic News does not confuse the adjective good with adverb well, and the past tense of the word sneak is always in its correct form of sneaked. The Generic News is the only source of banal news that is grammatical. We say nothing, and we say it gramatically!

The Generica News may on occasion report on a topic of importance, substance, or quality; these sorts of lapses happen even to the well-known Media Corporations. However, we are sure that few will recognize the wheat from the chaf or the fluff from the bunny. In any event, we take no responsibility for these abberations.  

Lifestyles:

Sex appeal is still strong.

Pet owner records heavy metal happy cockatoo: